Saturday, March 3, 2012

An Adoption Conversation

A conversation with an acquaintance:

P:  I ran across your blog recently.  I was adopted, too.  I really love how you approach topics with humor.

Me: Thanks!  Wow, I really like this person.  How astute!  I am pretty funny.

P:  Yeah, I read another blog by an adoptive mother.  She was kind of ridiculous.  She was whining about assignments her adopted child was given at school.  I mean seriously, everyone wants special attention these days.  You've got to just roll with things, right?

Me:  What the...?  I'm surprised you feel that way.  My boys have had a few assignment that were really insensitive for adopted kids.  One son was asked to bring in a baby picture.We don't have any.  His teacher knew he was adopted as an older child.  There have been other assignments too.  I don't  roll with it at all.  I get upset and address it at school.

P: Oh, I get that!  I am kind of a mother bear when it comes to my daughter.  She's not adopted.

Me: Thanks for clarifying?  Didn't you have any assignments growing up that were hard or impossible to do as an adoptee?  I remember in Science, during a lesson on genetics, we had to figure out where we got our eye color.  It was awful!

P: I should clarify about my adoption.  It wasn't like yours.  I was very, very loved and wanted.

Me:  Go on.  (The back of my head began to tingle, this usually is a signal of danger.  I realized that I wasn't in danger, the person I was talking to was.  I was beginning to feel violent.)

P:  What I mean is, I had a very happy childhood.  I was very loved. I wasn't adopted due to being unwanted. I was always wanted.  My dad died when I was a kid.  My mom remarried and my step father adopted me.

Me:  Okay, a lost dad.  I can relate.  Stop overreacting. We have that in common.  I'm so sorry you lost your dad.  I lost my dad when I was a teenager.  It is very traumatic.  I'm sorry you had to go through that.

P:   Yes, so you can imagine what I went through.  And he was my real, uh, I mean biological dad, so it was that much worse for me.

Me: (head tingling wildly) Well, it is kind of silly to compare losses but I can assure you that my dad was no less of a dad to me, than yours was to you. 

P:  (tilting head, pursing lips, indicating disagreement

Me:  Okay!  Nice talking with you.  Not really.  


  1. This was a REAL conversation you had???? I am in shock right now that someone would have the audacity (sorry if I spelled that wrong) to say those things!!!

    You handled yourself with grace though... good for you!!

  2. It was a real conversation. Amazing, right? I don't think it is so much grace as it is shock.


  3. Oh boy. Sounds like you showed excellent restraint.

  4. You are so nice, kind and merciful. You are lovely. seriously. I strive to carry off the beautiful bits of self. I want to be more like you. yet i know myself well. my faults and I are well acquainted.

    I feel compelled to tell you, because we've actually met, and there is real possibility of that happening again, you should know this in advance: If I am within spitting distance and overhearing this conversation, my reaction would likely be somewhere between Fingerwaggingbacktalkingallupinherbusinessbackoffmissywatchutalkingaboutwoman and a pre-epmpting call to 911 that someone's about to get their butt whooped.

  5. WOW! I would have gone off on her!

  6. Great job keeping your cool! I don't know if I could have done it.

  7. It is not so much that I show restraint, rather I just can't believe it when it is happening. I think, 'Whoa, she doesn't mean this, or she does but doesn't mean to be saying it to me.' By the time it's over and realize how insulting the conversation really is, it is much to late to say what I should have. Luckily, it is never to late to write a blog post and get the last word in.

  8. Alison, I am in shock after reading this! I have had situations where I was in shock and unable to truly answer the way I wanted to at the time, too!! Good thing you did get to blog about her. URG. People are just plain stupid. :(

  9. Woah! I have to echo others and give major kudos to you for keeping calm during that conversation. I'm a little fired up after just reading that conversation! Can't imagine.

  10. Oh lordy. I first read your post assuming it was an online conversation you had and thought you are way better than me, I'd have wanted to reach through the screen and pull a Three Stooges move on her. Then I realized this was a face to face talk, how you remained calm and collective is amazing to me.

  11. for real? !!!!!!!!!!!! Okay, just found your blog today and I am reading one incredible story after another.... WHAT kind of acquaintances do you have, anyway??? lol. Sure makes for interesting blog fodder, but man! The gall people have.

    1. Yep! For real! Luckily most people are great. Thanks for reading :)

  12. Oh my gosh. That is horrible...and yet am I the only one wondering how that lady is going to feel seeing your 'conversation' on the blog? I cannot imagine what your next encounter with her will be like! LOL

    Hopefully she will apologize.

  13. Hi Karin,

    Funny thing....I have yet to have another conversation with this person again! Thanks for commenting and for reading :)