Monday, June 6, 2011

Addicted to Adoption Blogs ( Diet Coke has a competitor)

I have food to buy.  I have window boxes and planters to fill with flowers.   A dog to brush.  Laundry piling up.  A husband that wants me to hang out with him.  Daughters to email and call. Sons to feed and pay attention to. Friends who think friendship is a two way street and need some love.  A mother-in-law in a nursing home to visit.  But all I want to do is read adoption blogs.  I'm addicted.

I am a bit embarrassed to admit that while I love blogging, I don't read a lot of blogs.  Most of my reading for pleasure comes from books.  When my blog was nominated as a 'Top 25 adoption blog' by Circle of Moms, I was excited and wanted to win a place on that list. This is a good time, I suppose, to ask you to go to http://www.circleofmoms.com/top25/adoption?trk=t25_adoption and vote for my blog. This contest is making me more aggressive needy assertive than is normal for me.  So many of these blogs are super cool, I want to be listed among them (and therefore be cool too!).

Not surprisingly the bulk of the blogs nominated are written by adoptive parents.  I love Liz's blog (http://inventingliz.blogspot.com/) She has great posts and a weekly reading list featuring other cool things to read.
Kristen (http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com) has thoughtful and often laugh out loud posts and also links to other interesting blog posts (which is going to increase my new blog reading problem).
The contest leader by a mile, Christine, (http://www.welcometomybrain.net/) has a video where she talks about love according to I Corinthians 13, that brought me to tears.  She is also just so darn real and appealing that I want to camp at the Texas RV park that her family owns and hang out with her.  That seems like a stretch for this Massachusetts girl but we have an RV and a daughter attending college in Waco, TX.  So I am not ruling it out.

While adult adoptees (who I keep wanting to call adultees)  are not well represented, I found Chris (http://chriss717.wordpress.com),  who blogs about her reunion experience.  It is very similar to my own experience and I can't wait to dig in and read more but I can't yet.... because another adult adoptee, who is also a birth/first mother, Allison, (http://mybirthnameisallison.wordpress.com/) has me all distracted.  When I first read her referencing her adoptive parents as her 'adopters', I gasped!  I read on and got more details about her experience and the pain that adoption has caused her.  She is honest and raw and I am anxious to read more.  Amanda, (http://www.declassifiedadoptee.com)  an adult adoptee and Adoptee Rights advocate has a blog that has me wondering why I haven't paid more attention to the rights (or lack of  ) for adoptees.  What kind of adoptee am I anyway?

The list is short on birth/first mother blogs but thanks to Claudia (http://www.musingsofthelame.com/ ) a first mother and open records champion, I can better understand what she and others have gone through and continue to go through.  Her site also has an extensive blog list, I now know that although birth/first mothers are under represented on adoption blog lists, they are well represented in the blogosphere.  There are tons.  Same goes for adoptee blogs, you can find lots of them at this blog.

I have read blogs of angry adoptees (I am not judging, they are angry!) who have had horrible experiences.  Adoptees who struggle or rejoice in their adoption reunions (many experience a little of both).  Adoptees who (rightly in my opinion) feel disregarded and unheard in the adoption community.  Adoptees who hate their adoptive parents.  Adoptees who have been rejected by the birth parents they have longed for.  Adoptees who fully feel and believe in the Primal Wound theory. Adoptees who think they speak for all adoptees and claim we all suffer from being adopted ( this I am not a fan of, we are not all the same).

I have found lots of angry birth/first mothers.  Knowing what I know especially from my own birth mother,  they have a lot to be angry about.  Many were manipulated into relinquishing their newborns and given no options.  Many birth/first mother blogs are absolutely vicious toward adoptive parents, calling them 'adopters' and mocking them for having to 'take someone else's baby and pretending they were their own'. As an adoptive parent, I can take these comments in stride.  As an adoptee, I get really, really angry when I read these comments and accusations.  I feel like they are attacking my parents and it gets me all worked up.

I even found a blog that makes fun of adoptive parent blogs, poking fun at 'you grew in my heart' type of sentiments.  Yikes.  Imagine if there was a blog by an adoptive parent that make fun of or belittled birth parents? Actually maybe there is one...I found so many other provocative blogs.

Things we know:  Adoption is complicated and often messy.  There are lots of different points of views and experiences out there for all to read.  We are all better for listening to each other, even when we don't agree.

7 comments:

  1. Okey-doke. If we are not FaceBook friends, yet, make it happen. And when you are in Waco, you will let me know.

    My husband is a Baylor grad, and our youngest's first mom lives there. Sometimes swinging a trip that direction is possible!

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  2. great post! I am also addicted to blogging/reading blogs! Thanks for all the links to other bloggers :) You just helped feed my addiction!

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  3. Christine, I will let you know the next time we are in Waco (with or without our RV)!

    Nikki, Glad to help, we addicts need to stick together!

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  4. I voted for you - thanks for the shout out! Love your last paragraph here, it's so true...

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  5. I think that's been the most interesting part of the contest--finding blogs that weren't on my radar. Not all are my cup of tea, but it's been fun.

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  6. I agree Susan, btw your blog is awesome!

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  7. Thank you for sharing all these great blogs Alison! I think it is wonderful that people can share their experience of adoption with others. It is such a wonderful time that you want to share it! I adopted my daughter a year ago and I could not be anymore happier. I wanted to share a website that I found when I first adopted my daughter, http://onlineceucredit.com/edu/social-work-ceus-cpa. It offers a lot of great information about adoption.

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