Saturday, January 23, 2010

Free Baby


"Hey Mom, did Jemby get adopted because his parents were too small?" Mikias asked recently

 I tried not to look too confused.  "What do you mean?"

"I thought you said he was adopted because his parents weren't old enough."  Oh okay, he wasn't talking size he was talking age but I was still confused.  Then I realized he was getting all of our adoption stories mixed up.

"No Sweetie, that was me.   An adoption plan was made for me because my birthparents were teenagers and wanted me to have a mom and dad that were ready and able to take care of a baby."

"So what did they do, put a sign at the end of the driveway that said "Free Baby"?

I realized he was completely serious and I managed not to laugh.  Just because you are adopted doesn't mean you understand it.

This lead us into a good conversation about adoption agencies and the people who make sure that kids who need parents are placed with the right family.   He asked more questions and I think gained a better understanding of how adoptive families come together.

The conversation made think about my parents.  I lost my dad as a teenager but I had my mom until a little over three years ago.  Adopting Mikias four years ago created a deeper bond between us.  We were both moms by birth and adoption.  She was suddenly gone a little over a year later.  There are so many things I wished I had asked her.  How the heck did they do it?  How did they manage to answer our questions, never once making us feel silly?  I grew up feeling positive about being adopted and secure in my family's love for me.  How did I  have my mother for 43 years and not ask her how they did it?  Before Kurt and I adopted, I considered myself an adoption expert.  I thought I had an edge over non-adopted adoptive parents.  It is a bit humbling to realize that I was mistaken.  The experts were my own parents and I simply reaped the rewards of being their child.

Free baby.  How would my mom have responded?  Hopefully, I did what she would have done, answered the question and then much later when the kids were all asleep had a good laugh with my husband.

1 comment:

  1. I think your mom would be very proud of how you handled that situation. You are a fantastic mother of 4 beautiful children who are confident, and secure in who they are. I'd say you're doing it better than "right"...and you do have a leg up on other adoptive parents...the wisdom of your own parents to draw on.

    -KN

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