Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Why would they go all the way to Ethiopia....

The rest of that question is 'when there are so many kids who need families right here?' That question is almost never asked to me, but to our family and our closest friends.

At first I thought it was so odd that no one asked me, when according to my friends there is a lot of curiosity about it. I suppose it is because when people ask me other questions about our boys it is out of a genuine curiosity. But this other question is kind of.... accusatory.

There are people that have a real anger about this topic. I have read articles where adopted children from certain countries are referred to as 'trendy fashion accessories'. What the ....? Like our children are cool new purses that we can tuck in the back of the closet when we are tired of them. How absurd.

My friends Karen and Mike adopted their daughter Katie from China. When Karen is asked "Why China?" her answer is "Because that is where my daughter was." I love that answer. I believe we get the kids that were meant to be ours, be it by birth or adoption.

For us, I felt a pull to adopt from Africa that I could not shake. I felt that our child was there waiting for us to come and get him. Although this took my husband by surprise, I am thankful he trusted my instinct. We felt the same way the second time we adopted, that a specific child was waiting for us. To us, Mikias and Jemberu were as meant to be our children as our biological children.

My friend Donald and his wife Geri chose to build their family through adoption from foster care. They adopted a sibling set of three and I am sure they feel that they got the children that were meant to be theirs.

People wouldn't dream of asking a couple who was expecting why they would choose to give birth when there are so many kids who need families. Yet when a family is formed by adoption many people feel that they deserve an explanation. Weird.

All children deserve a family, regardless of where they were born. Wouldn't you agree?


  1. Agree with you? Always! Never led me wrong before!

    As a non-mother I am always kind of interested in how mothers are so picky about each other's decisions. Breasfeeding, vaccinating, homeschooling, clothing choices yada yada yada. In very few circumstances are people required to nprove their decisions, and aside from God Himself, whose opinion is more important than anyone else?

    Long way of my saying, Yes! I agree with you!

  2. Wonderful. Did you ever read Love You More? It's a book by an adoptive mom about her child who was born in I think Ecuador? And how she knew to go there (I read it a few years ago...)

    As for "People wouldn't dream of asking a couple who was expecting why they would choose to give birth when there are so many kids who need families. " I have actually heard people say that before. In my generation (I'm 26) lots of people I know wants one, two (so you can have a boy and girl) or no kids and think have three or more biologically is 'selfish'. I am not saying parenting (no matter how the child comes to your home) should not be taken very seriously, but I just hate this attitude. To me, it shows that these people seem to value the material things they can give children more than they value children. And in truth, I think it's this attitude in society that coerces so many mothers into placing their children up for adoption because they're told they don't deserve to raise their children.

    I don't know. I don't know if I articulated myself well and this post is very old so you probably won't notice the comment anyway, but it just bothers me the way society seems to be moving, so that children are so "adored" on one hand so that families are expected to almost put pricetags on their own worth, as if a loving family isn't priceless. I'm not saying that financial stability doesn't have worth, but I'd rather see a happy large family in a doublewide sharing one vehicle and one computer then a stressed out small to medium sized family in a 3000+ square foot home in a gated community with four cars and ten electronic devices per person. Something is just wrong that the second gets our approval and the first most people judge.

  3. Hi Singing Pilgrim!

    I have never read "Love You More", I will have to check it out.

    I actually know exactly what you are talking about. I don't care for that judgmental attitude regarding larger families either. It is amazing what people think is their business to judge. I have witnessed that kind of disapproval when friends and relatives go over the "2 child maximum". Weird.

    Thank you for reading and for commenting.